Such Excitement!

isn't school just so exciting? oh, yes.
sigh. you know my sarcasm so well.
but i suppose it's not so bad so far. i do build up a little bit of suspense just by waiting for the class periods to end, though i tend to look like an idiot when i stare at the clock and jump up and down in my seat. i've also been trying my best to get into that state where i notice all the itty bitty things. all those tiny things that people tend to not notice. i want to love the grass between my toes, but how can i do that when i have to wear shoes and go to school? so that's one thing i miss about summer: endless barefootedness. and i want to notice the veins in the leaves, and the vast green stretched all around me, but those things will be gone just as soon as autumn gets here. i love the crisp air of autumn, but how do you focus on something you can't see?
i would very much like for my senses to mesmerize me. i want soft things to make me so euphoric that i just stop thinking altogether, just to feel. i want sights to be so breathtaking that they're mind-numbing, as well. i want sounds, any sounds, crickets, birds, winds, voices, to be music to me. i want to dance to the rhythm that i know is there in everything. i want to smell the grass, the bark on the trees, even the dirt, and know how fucking wonderful it is.
i can get into the state of mind where i feel this way, but it's so rare, and when i get into that state, i drift away from the real world and generally people start asking me what's going on, so that brings this little worried voice to my head that there is something wrong, and i dig deep down and find that wrongness that wasn't there before someone assumed it was.
but with things being the way they are right now, i don't think i have to worry about people caring if i'm totally absorbed in a blue sky. if i'm lying in the grass, it doesn't mean i'm lonely. going out and getting drenched on a rainy day does not make me an "emo." how could it? the rain is the most spectacular thing in all of iowa. i live for rainy days. it's been a while since a good rain, and the skies are unbearably clear, but i'm hoping it will rain within the next week. (it won't.)
anyway, yeah. i guess i'm not too unhappy quite yet. school's boring, but all my problems are petty or in my mind. i'll keep you updated on how i cope for the next few weeks, 'kay? ;)