Green Grass! Lilacs! Swine Flu!

oh, how i love my silly adolescent body and mind. everything's so critical and explosive. oh, no! my friend got mad at me. it's the end of the world! but everything works out just fine. it always does. friends don't stay mad because they're friends, and they're not there to be angry with you. they're there to love you, and that's just what they'll do. and i love them, and i don't mean to make them angry, but it happens. i'm sorry that i upset you at times, friends. you upset me sometimes, too. mostly you just make me sad on occasion, but i don't mind. that's just how i know that i love you: even if you punched me in the face, i would still go back to you afterward.

there's something about spring that just makes me want to do everything. i want to go have that midnight picnic with bethany and ashley, i want to buy streamers with those two and whoever else and run around town with the streamers flying behind us, i want to have rubber ducky races, i want to go fishing, i want to enjoy myself!

i was grounded for a while because i was failing weight training, but now i'm not! unfortunately, i broke the rules the day before i was ungrounded. if i could have waited just one more day before deciding to have evan over, i would be free to go to the art walk tomorrow night with bethany, ashley, and (SECRET FRIEND), who is usually working during art walks. and my grandpa's band, Van and The Movers, is playing on the gazebo in the square! i've waited an eternity for him to play again, and now i'm going to miss it? i suppose there is the slightest chance that my parents will let me go, but i'm thinking that i'll have to agree to do a shit ton of chores before they even consider it.

school and i are fighting currently. he (school is a he because it is an asshole) decided to slam a bunch of projects on me at one time - history, biology, and spanish - and i just won't have it. he can kiss my ass. oh, well. it's not like i'm the only person doing projects. and i wasn't the only person who ran the mile, either, and i even wasn't the only person who ran it in a terrible time. i wasn't the only person to finish last in their class. granted, i was the only person to finish last in my class, but that's a given. i don't care about weight training in the least. the mile left me kind of comfortably in pain, and i even felt like i got to do it again after school, when i had to get to the radio station as quickly as possible to galen and evan's show (Midweek Songstreak - wednesdays at 4-5 on 100.1 KRUULP, Fairfield, IA) after i found out that i was ungrounded. everything's awesome.

everything is so awesomely awesome.

Understanding Adolescent Idiocy.

'lo, all. sorry i haven't been posting too much, though i'm sure you don't mind. i've just been kind of preoccupied with evan and i haven't been going on too many expeditions with bethany and ashley because spring hasn't quite decided on being warm yet. the three of us did hang out last weekend: we ran around in places that were probably quite illegal to be running around in, we sang creepily in a very echo-y tunnel that led us under the new bypass, we made plans to go back to these places in the summer, when it's warm. we've decided to have rubber duck races in this creek next to some sort of bridge thing. we will hang out under that bridge often, i think, and we've decided that it may be quite fun to draw on the concrete walls. bethany, of course, is hesitant about vandalizing it to the extreme, but no one will ever be under there but us, guaranteed. it'll be fine, bethany!
now, i don't mean to beat the dead horse or whatever that expression is, but it seems that ashley and bethany are getting very fed up with adolescent behavior and i feel the need to put my opinion out there (again and again and again). they're sick of the drama, they are. thing is, guys, you're no better than the rest of us because you are teenagers, too. i'm not trying to say that in a cruel way, it's just the truth. maybe you don't get all worked up over some of the more popular things that teens get worked up about; i don't think i do that much, either. well, for the most part. we all know that i enjoy talking about boys just as much as "normal" girls, but other than that, i think i'm on just about the same level of teen drama as you. well... maybe not. i'm very melodramatic. but hush! i'm trying to explain, here! you guys get more upset than you need to sometimes, too. we all do! bethany, do you remember when a certain clarinet player said a certain something that irked you, and you grumbled about it for a whole week or two (sorry if i'm exaggerating)? and ashley, you and i both - actually, all three of us - have been way worked up over other friends' decisions and actions. i'm not trying to make you look bad, i promise, i'm just pointing out the fact that we all do it. we all do, regardless of our age. i mean, look at all of our parents. i usually have it pretty easy, i know, but when my mom disagrees with me, she really disagrees with me. i mean, i'm banned from FML because she wouldn't even look at the site to see what it was! so difficult, so dramatic. and your parents can be awful. i've heard the stories. and hey, they're not teenagers!
teenage drama in particular is kind of fun to me. i mean, think about it. we've nothing better to freak out about, so we ('we' as in teenagers, not 'we' as in you and me) blow up the teensiest things, just to give us something to do. i know i enjoy going on rampages about random crap; you know i do, too. sometimes it's just easier, focusing on the petty things like that so that we don't have to focus on anything real. i mean, look at me! i couldn't tell you a thing about politics, the war, israel, or anything important going on in the real world. i tried paying more attention to politics, but it just worried me too much. i would go outside after the presidential campaigns and just talk to myself about how everything was going to be so messed up after obama changed everything. i got concerned about political parties and which one i supported more: i really did not want to be a republican, but i didn't want to be a democrat, either. i will continue to call myself an independent, because that's easiest, and i'm not going to worry about things i cannot help. real problems just aren't fun! we're young, we're healthy; why ruin our fun with reality? lock up that Reality Monster, and keep him locked up 'til you can't hide him any longer! take comfort in the fact that we can dwell on petty things at this age, that the Reality Monster isn't chewing our ass off all day. sometimes he takes big chunks from our cheeks, but imagine the asses on adults! they've got everything to worry about: work, money, houses, cars, spouses, children, time... i say it's best to just enjoy life while we can.
i'm certainly not saying that the only way we can have fun during adolescence is to blow up over the little stuff, but i'm saying that if the petty things are pissing you off, just lay back and bask in the simplicity of it. i don't know, maybe i'm wrong. but it makes sense to me. also, i know i'm a hypocrite sometimes. i'm just trying to help, and to blog about something, anythiiiiing.

Don't Take Me Too Seriously.

i've spent the night, and am still spending the night, keeping an eye on my kid brothers, jace (who is four) and teague (one). it wasn't so bad. sure, i nearly puked when i had to change a diaper, but when do i not nearly puke? i mean, even when i'm just sitting in class, i constantly get stomach aches. they're mostly from nerves, so i don't think i could actually be sick from it, but i always want to ask the teacher if i can be excused so that i may go be sick, or i just sit there, planning my escape route for when i begin to hurl. anyway, we're talking about babysitting my kid brothers. i had fun. i spent the first hour or two watching a movie with them and then we had a DANCE PARTY!! at first, i was just singing "there's a hole in the bottom of the sea" or whatever, but of course i started jumping around like a maniac, so teague wanted up. i swept him up and jumped around with him, singing all the while, and then i turned on pandora.com and proceeded to dance. i spun in circles, i turned teague upside down, we danced. it kind of sucked because jace wanted me to dance around like that with him, but he's getting too big, and i can't hold him and teague at the same time. i tried my best to alternate between the two of them, but like i said, jace is too big and i got worn out after a while. i crashed on the couch and jace immediately started jumping all over me and whacking me with anything he could get his hands on. oh, and he seems to really like stomping all over the painful spots on every human being. dad's always crying out in pain as jace steps on his crotch, and i don't appreciate it much when he decides to jump on my chest. ow.
i had a great time, really. i imagined what it would be like if they were my kids, and... i decided... that it wouldn't be so bad to have kids. gasp! really, dani! you've never wanted kids! ever since you were a little girl, you said you wouldn't have kids! but, then again, i also said i wouldn't get married and i'm sure i don't still believe that (yes i do). but really, if i could just hang out with my kids all the time, it wouldn't be so bad. i guess it's the growing up part that's hard on a parent. teague is a sweetie, and jace is just a little bit misguided, but he's still awesome. sadly, they will soon be in school, where they will be corrupted by terrible kids raised by terrible adults who live in terrible homes and smoke weeeeeed for dinner or something. they'll get a negative outlook on life, they'll learn to hate their family, and they'll probably get some girl pregnant eventually. augh, teenagers! who knows teenagers better than a teenager, right? i know what we're like. it's terrible, really. we're so impressionable, so terribly desperate to be accepted by worthless people who are trying just as hard to be liked. we lose our identities, lose our minds. every little thing is full of implications of horror and drama with irreversible consequences. we take out our frustration on our poor parents, who don't know where their babies went. what happened? parents pray for their atheist daughter, their satanic son, what happened, what happened? where did we go wrong? help us, God, help us, we can't do this alone.
geez, i always change my mind when i write blog posts. i got into this thinking, "gee, it would be cool to be a single mother, if i could bring in enough dough," because single parents are always really close to their kids, and kids with one parent are kind of soft, troubled beings that need all the love you can give them, and oh, i've got a lot of love. it's easy to imagine coming home to this gangly kid who has been waiting for me, sitting on the couch and slinging an arm over them to watch afternoon cartoons. who needs a man? i would just get jealous when they spent time with our baby. all it would take is a little trip: "dad took me fishing!" and i would go off on some rant about how i could have done that, i'm better at fishing anyway, i wanted to teach you, your father is stealing you away from me, you love him more, yada yada. but of course i would end up messing up the kid in some way. he got too much attention from his mother, doesn't need a woman, turns gay, mother doesn't like that, gets angry, abandons son. or i would have the kid and give him up right when he was born. the hours of excruciating pain of childbirth would help me to decide that it's really not worth it, that i can't handle it, anyway. i especially wouldn't be able to handle the first few years alone. waking up at all hours of the night to stumble over to baby Cain's cradle, change diapers, fill bottles, freakin' breastfeed! my boobs would get all saggy, augh! i would be some terrible, ugly woman with bags under her eyes and a baby attached to her tit at all hours of the day, like in the grocery store and just about anywhere. do you see how i change my mind in these posts?! i realize things that i don't consider in actual, plain old thought. how would i be a stupid whoreslutskanktrollopbitchtease if i was hideous? and why would my baby ever accept love from an ugly troll woman? he would be embarrassed by me by the time he was five.
anyway, yeah. babysitting jace and teague was fun.