In Remembrance of a Goddamn Fucking Friend

fuck.

you just don't find healthy soldiers like General Libido and Dictator Cadaverous anymore, do you?

Corporal Jackson has died, possibly from the inhalation of a dangerous gas (flea bombin'). his scales went from black to gold in less than twelve hours, and he was found belly-up in the afternoon.

i hope that his death brings the downfall of the military base that he was named after.

Lieutenant Prurient has taken the Corporal's place on the nightstand. a replacement goldfish is not scheduled to move into the fishbowl.

In Remembrance of Two Beloved Comrades

after the introduction of a new soldier to the fish bowl, all three fish passed away. first was the newcomer, Major Agley, who brought a fatal disease with him from the dreaded lands of Super Wal-Mart. next came our beloved General Libido. Dictator Cadaverous tried in vain to push the General back up, but the General kept sinking, gasping and thrashing about on the floor of his fishbowl. General Libido passed shortly after, and Dictator Cadaverous died of heartbreak the very next day.

many tears were shed over these brave, brave soldiers... they will be remembered as two of the greatest goldfish i have ever known. for over a year, they stared me down as i mumbled secrets to them. they held their cautious gazes on me as i first told them, ever so giddily, that "i love him, guys," and they averted their eyes when needed, as polite fish should.

the betta, Lieutenant Prurient, remains healthy and vigorous, as he was not in the infected fishbowl. his presence is greatly appreciated in this time of grieving. i have not always confided in him as i had with the General and Dictator, but he is still a confidant, and i trust him with my secrets.

taking the place of General Libido and Dictator Cadaverous in the now-clean fishbowl is Corporal Jackson, the black moor. some changes have been made to the bowl (by my mother), and his survival cannot be guaranteed. bright pink and purple rocks are dangerous.

the Corporal is a handsome fish, and he is much larger than his predecessors. if he survives, he will prove to be a strong and capable soldier. we can only hope for his success.

In Remembrance of Another Friend

our bosom friend and comrade in battle, the handsome Corporal Pulchritudinous, was found belly-up in the trenches some time ago. though his time in the military was short, he will be remembered fondly by his higher-ups.

Dictator Cadaverous took Corporal Pulchritudinous in under his wing upon meeting, always guiding the Corporal to the bottom of the tank when an enemy approached. the Dictator has lost a close compatriot and is suffering greatly.

at this point in time, no replacement is planned to take the Corporal's place in the line of duty.

In Remembrance of a Friend

the respectable Sergeant Pepper was engulfed by the great maw of a monstrous cat on the evening of January 28, 2010.

he will be missed by his comrades, Dictator Cadaverous and General Libido.

soon to replace his position in the war is a certain Admiral Oust, who has not yet reported to duty.

My Doomed Friend: Lieutenant Prurient

because i went to a faraway city with bethany and ashley today, i brought home a new friend. he is a crowntail betta fish, and his name is lieutenant prurient. like my super-old fishy friend, general libido, the lieutenant has a name dealing with lust. it's fun to use words that my parents don't know, because they're too proud to go, "what the hell do prurient and libido mean?" so i get to go on naming my fishies sexy words.

sadly, lieutenant prurient requires a certain temperature that i cannot provide him with. my bedroom is usually in the fifty- or forty-somethings temperature-wise, so he can't stay down there. my other fishy friends, general libido, dictator cadaverous, and sergeant pepper, are all little goldfish that i have saved from being fed to pet sharks, so they can live in pretty much any temperature. they're not finicky. actually, i think that the dictator, general, and i are nearing our one year anniversary. i think i fell in love with the lil' buggers on the last day of january. they've lived forever. i can only hope that they'll endure the cold of my bedroom and last long enough for us to have fun with an anniversary party. i'll probably just lug the tank over to ashley's, where the dictator and general will be reunited with gary and cristoff, who are ashley's original fish from january. bethany's first fish died almost immediately. it's quite sad.

i really do love fish. they're beautiful, and it's so interesting to think about how their little fishy bodies work. besides, they're dumb as fuck and you get to invent personalities for them! also, they will NEVER RUN AWAY. they're very easy to take care of (depending on the fish you buy), and they're super fun to talk to because they look like they're paying attention if they're hungry. sergeant pepper is especially attentive. he's always hungry, so he's always staring at me. the general and dictator weren't always like that, but the sergeant has helped them to develop a new habit. so now i constantly have three goldfish staring at me. it makes me happy. i know they're fish and they're probably terrified of me, but i like to pretend that they respect me and rely on me because i feed them.

ooh, i almost forgot to tell you why i picked the lieutenant. i wasn't going to at first. he's a different kind of betta, which sucks because he needs different water temperatures (i didn't know!), but he's very cool-looking. his fins fan out in a way slightly different than regular betta fish, and he was showing off at wal-mart, where i bought him. out of all the fish, he was the only one that was absolutely freaking out and puffing up all over the place. i've never really seen a betta get pissed off like that, so i decided that i really liked his attitude and that i needed to have him. of course, bethany and ashley helped me make the final decision after around five minutes of picking up and staring at all of the other options.

i feel good for getting him out of that itty-bitty bowl that places like to keep betta, but i feel bad for freezing him. i hope that he acclimates quite miraculously and lives for a very long time. or maybe the internet lied to me and he's just like normal betta and can live in my house without a problem. that would be very nice.

i bet you're wondering how i successfully created such a prodigious post about fish. i'm kind of wondering the same thing. i guess i really like fish. how do you feel about fish? THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU LIKE FISH. I'M GLAD WE'VE EXCHANGED OUR OPINIONS ABOUT FISH.

also, does anyone other than bethany read my blog? please, make your presence known to me! reveal yourself! let me know that you read my rants about fish with badass names.