Getting a License, Maybe

my parents are officially bribing me to grow up. the deal is: if i get a license in the next week or so, i will eventually get a cellphone. EVENTUALLY. if i don't get my license in this set period of time, i will never get a cellphone from my parents.

hmm.

i know that most teenagers can't understand either of these things, but i don't want a license, and i don't want a cellphone.

i've been over the license thing. i like to walk, and if i get a license i won't ever walk. i'll get fat, and i'll die a painful death. but mostly i just don't want to grow up. old people always talk about how much they miss childhood, and i don't ever want to be like them. i want to stay young and wrinkle-free! i want to keep my brain cells and my aerodynamically curvaceous body. i want to keep my same sense of humor without being creepy. can you imagine an eighty-year-old telling my kind of crude jokes? i can't really tell if that would be awesome or if it'd be insanely inappropriate.

now, for the cellphone... i guess i wouldn't mind having a cellphone if i don't have to pay for it. i certainly wouldn't have one if i had to buy the phone and the plan and all of that. but if my parents are doing that for me, i don't see how it'd be a bad thing. it's not really a good thing, but it's not a bad thing, either. i don't need a cellphone. i have never in my life seriously asked for a cellphone, and i wasn't planning on doing so. i would be unhappy if evan just texted me at night instead of having me call him. but using twitter on the phone might be cool, though i would drown everyone else's twitter feed all of the time. i'm almost always home, too. i have a home phone, and though it is crappy and screams static fuzz into my ear, it gets the job done. i don't really see the need for a cellphone. the only real plus is that evan would be able to call me at any point during the night without waking up my family and that my friends could leave as many inappropriate messages as they wanted. i don't really want a texting plan, and i don't need a camera phone.

it seems to me that the bribe my parents have chosen isn't going to work too well.

on another note, it bugs me that my parents are so eager for me to get my license. they have to buy a car. and on top of that, they're now willing to buy me a phone and a plan for that phone? i don't get it. they don't have to drive me places, you know. i have rides. i don't need their assistance in getting places, so it's not that. i'm not a waste of their gas. it kind of worries me, like they want me to grow up RIGHT NOW so that i'll move out as soon as possible. i don't want to leave them or my kid brothers just yet. my parents take good care of me, and i'm not ready to take care of myself. i'm a kid, alright? I LOVE MY MOMMY AND DADDY.

i don't like change. i don't want to have a car to take care of, i don't want to have a job to wake up for. ashley works at the co-ed theater now, and bethany applied for it yesterday. it sounds like a fairly easy job, and it's only for two days a week, but i still don't want to do it. there are too many people there. also, i'm terrible with technology. when someone bought a ticket or food, i would not know how to use the touchscreen cash register thing. i wouldn't know how to use it even after they taught me how to, and then i would get all frustrated and depressed over it. it's like when i worked for mom. when i didn't know how to do something, i would ask her and she'd get all pissed off and ask me if i was retarded. i don't want to always make people react that way, but i'm sloowwwww. i'm the dumbest person i know because i truly believe that ignorance is bliss.

but i guess i'll begin driving practice today. last time i drove, i got illegally passed and flipped off when i was going the speed limit. i don't know what i was doing wrong, but those people were pissed.

what really worries me is the DOT. i don't have a problem with driving with my dad, and if mom ever agreed to take me driving, i wouldn't have a problem with her, either. but driving alone with a stranger? would they take points off because of all the mumbling to myself that i do when i drive? i don't even notice when i do it, so i can't really stop myself. ashley and mary beth told me that i talked when i drove in driver's ed, and dad gets mad when i talk when i drive with him. this DOT isn't just going to be judging my awful driving ability, they'll be judging me as a person. they'll think i'm insane!

bethany said that the test with the DOT isn't hard, but it just worries me so much. i don't want to be in a car with this strange person. and what happens when i fail the test? do i get grounded? do i not get that cellphone that i don't need? or will my parents finally accept that i cannot properly use any method of transportation other than my feet? i never did learn to ride a bike, you know. since my biological dad left my mom when i was three, no one really tried to teach me until i was eight or nine and too stubborn to learn. now i've no desire to try because, hey, i'm about to get a license. also, i have no balance whatsoever. i almost fall over when i'm just standing. i don't want to try this awful balance on a bike.

anyway, yeah. i guess we'll see what happens. i'll inform you of the outcome.