Excessive Worrying: Prom.

hah. hahaha. of course dani would worry about prom, of course! she wasn't going to go to prom; she had made plans to play all of her favorite songs and dance wildly around her bedroom with her pink-haired plastic troll boyfriend. but then dani got an actual boyfriend, and plans changed. dani's going to prom now! she even has a dress! it's a lovely dress, with all the cliches (BLOGGER, LET DANI USE ACCENT MARKS) that prom dresses have: frillies, sparklies, pretties. it's a good dress, though, and dani loves it a great deal... though it may be just ONE size too small. FUCK MY WEIGHT. I AM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY WEIGHT, YOU'LL SEE. [maybe] I'LL MEAN IT THIS TIME. THIS IS WAR.

unfortunately, there is no way that i can lose any weight at all before prom, which is on saturday, i think. evan and i got asked to go with this big group of people on a party bus that is going to FunCity. so i guess we're running around and maybe playing laser tag and going on go-carts (or whatever they are) in our dresses and tuxes, which sounds pretty fun, but i'll get all paranoid and self-conscious and i'll be tugging on my big ole' ringlets and i'll make them fall out and i'll be rubbing my eyes and my makeup will smudge and i'll fuck up like that. what if i do? and i can't dance! i can't daaaance! the other day, darling evan responded to this statement by pulling me into a random slow dance in my kitchen/dining room/computer room, but slow dances are nothing. i'm not worried about that, i'm worried about regular-type dancing. i don't "got" rhythm. also, i'm a spaz. i danced two years ago at homecoming and had a great time, but i didn't dance at homecoming this year. i was being watched, so i just stood there and fidgeted in the middle of the dance floor. i don't plan on going back to homecoming, if i can help it. i hope i don't come to the same conclusion about prom.

i really dig evan, so i'm sure he'll use that to his advantage and force me to have fun. he'll persuade me somehow. augh, why do i even worry? who is going to care whether i can dance or not? when girls are bumping and grinding into each other, you can hardly call it dancing. even i could do that, but i'm not going to. that's gross. i am not a slut, nor am i a lesbian. i suppose i'm not comfortable dancing because i'm afraid of embarrassing myself in front of evan. if only bethany and ashley were going to prom! i neeeeeeeed them. i mean, i don't dance in front of them, either... they put on music and dance around wildly at random intervals, but i never join them. they can scream at me all they like, but i refuse to make a fool of myself. so i guess it's not just evan i'm worried about embarrassing myself in front of, it's everyone. it's myself! i won't even dance alone in my bedroom because whenever i do, i get laughed at. by me. mostly i just dance around to Chopin and Beethoven, and then i do something like throwing myself on my bed and laughing hysterically. also, i make stupid faces when i dance. well, i always make stupid faces, but these are even worse.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

there is no solution to this one. SHUT UP, READERS, YOU'RE WRONG. i will try my hardest to have fun at prom, because i dig my hair and my dress and my date, but i just worry that it won't be as easy to have fun as i hope.

maybe i'm just having a nervous day because i had a dream that evan cheated on me because i don't call him. i made sure to call him today, though i basically just rambled on and didn't let him speak at all (sorry, hun). i only talked at him for a few minutes, then i was done and hoped that one call would suffice for the duration of our relationship. i don't like phone calls because everyone sounds different on the phone and i just can't understand them. well, regardless of the fact that i don't call him, evan wouldn't cheat on me. he's too much of a sweetheart to do something like that. i mean, you have to be really heartless to cheat, or you have to really hate who you're with. look at me! i'm an ass, but i still wouldn't cheat. ... i don't think i'm that much of an ass, anyway. i just worry that everyone thinks i'm an ass, so if i tell them right away that i know i'm an ass, they won't be as upset when i behave badly. that's a secret, right there. i just told you all a secret. now i have no secrets.

on a happier note: i cleaned my room for several hours today. i realized that my room has the potential to be really freaking cool, and since everyone follows me down here regardless of what i tell them to do, i might as well make the place easy on the eye. i folded and put away a crap ton of my clothes, and in the process i realized that i have three dressers. what's funny, though, is that my entire wardrobe fits into less than one drawer. mostly all of my drawers are full of old stories, band music, and scripts, picture books, sketchbooks, etcetera. there are also drawers full of clothes i never wear, but that's practically a given. i cleaned off the top of one of my dressers, but it looks uneven because my stereo is in the middle and a shit ton of bottles are on the left side, whereas there is practically nothing on the right side. i've decided i want to try and get a flower for every bottle in my collection. that'll be pretty. i shoved a few stuffed animals into my closet, washed a bunch of my pile o' clothes, and that's actually just about all i did today. i guess i was slacking just a bit, what with tweeting every five seconds and all. you know twitter, don't you? of course you do. it's becoming the new big thing.

i am currently sitting here in nothing but undies and a blanket, waiting impatiently for my laundry to get done so i can put some pajamas on, and then i'm going to bed. oh! happy zombie jesus day, everyone! i've been worrying a bit that maybe i'm becoming an asshole atheist, because i've been making a lot of cracks about God lately. but i respect christians, i really do. i think they've got the right idea, for the most part. i don't want to go into detail about why they're right or why they're wrong right here on my blog; i might offend someone. i mean, i definitely could go on a rant about it. i go to church, and when i'm there i think about it. i've come up with a bunch of conclusions, most of which i have probably forgotten already, and i'm pretty opinionated on the whole thing. i stay open-minded to religion, i think, but i can't just believe in something because i want to. i believe in the morals of christians, so i'm comfortable with them, but i can't believe in some giant guy in the sky. gah! i need to get off of blogger before i start rambling about this. i think my laundry is done, anyway. good night.

My Hollow, Plastic Boyfriend.

today, while all my theatrical buddies were off in Pella for state, i hung out with terinel. i wasn't sure if i would have enough to talk about, but all it ever takes is a cup of coffee or two and i loosen up plenty. we got a ride to the square, where we were immediately assaulted by a group of little kids. what the fuck! how does a kid even become a jackass so quickly? they were swearing and calling us the N-word, and they started throwing hunks of ice and even a frozen half of a candy bar they found on the ground. thank god their aim was terrible. god, why would any kid just decide to be terrible to a complete stranger? if their home life is terrible or something, wouldn't they want to make as many friends as possible? throwing shit doesn't get you any friends. god, i don't even know. man, i didn't even start to swear until i was in eighth grade, if you can believe it. these kids were maybe around ten or eleven, and they were just spitting swear words all over the place! i mean, i know i swear a ton, but it's never intelligent. i'm not trying to impress anyone, and these kids so obviously are. i don't get it.
so terinel and i left the little bastards on the square and headed to the coffee house, where i bought a raspberry croissant and she bought some powdered sugar cookie thing. we sat on the couch for a while, discussing religion and homeless people and god only knows what else. i decided that if reincarnation is real, i will definitely be a tortoise in my next life. oh, the irony (i hate turtles and tortoises, but tortoises are cooler than turtles). after loitering for a decent sum of time, we headed out. teri was a bit disoriented and had no idea which direction My Lucky Day was, but i got us there. i promptly put on a snazzy hat (with a feather on it, ooh), and we started digging through fifty cent cassette tapes. i bought two: Chopin and Beethoven, and i got a free troll. man, i've been getting free trolls from My Lucky Day since i was a little kid, but this may have been one of the best. he had hot pink hair and a tuxedo. freakin' rad. who needs a prom date when you've got a dressed-up troll? i'll spend prom night with him. that's a promise (sniffle). in fact, i've got him all cleaned up and everything. for the sake of auld lang sine, i washed his hair and clothes, just like the multitudes of trolls before him. and i'm going to spray him with my favorite cologne, so he'll be delicious smelling. he'll be the best prom date evar. i've got marti gras beads, too, because the theme of prom this year is marti gras. and i've got decorations from last year's prom, so i've pretty much got it down. when prom rolls around, i'm going to get all gussied up, slip into the sexiest dress i have, and dance around my room with this troll.
no, i am not pathetic, no, i am not lonely, and no, i have not lost my mind.