AN ODE TO ASHLEY

Ashley was offended by things I've said about her in this blog before (as she should be), so to make it up to her, I will write a very, very bad sonnet for her.

OH, ASHLEY, YOUR HAIR IS SO DAMN CURLY
YOUR TOES ARE DAINTY AND YOUR LEGS ARE LONG
YOUR TUM'S FLAT AND YOUR ARMS ARE NOT BURLY
I WOULD SMOKE THAT FUNKY ASS FROM A BONG
YEAH, SO WHAT? I'M NOT SO GOOD AT RHYMING
THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, MY BITCH?
I'D DO YOU HARD TO HEAR THE BELLS CHIMING
WEDDING BELLS, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WE ARE SO RICH
BECAUSE WEDDINGS REQUIRE SOME MONEY
AND I'M GOING TO MARRY YOU. GET IT?
I'D EAT MY FINGERNAILS TO BE YOUR HONEY
I'D PISS ON YOUR FACE AND EAT MY OWN SHIT
BUT ONLY, MY DEAR, IF YOU'LL FORGIVE ME
IF NOT, FOREVER ALONE I WILL BE