Ashley was offended by things I've said about her in this blog before (as she should be), so to make it up to her, I will write a very, very bad sonnet for her.
OH, ASHLEY, YOUR HAIR IS SO DAMN CURLY YOUR TOES ARE DAINTY AND YOUR LEGS ARE LONG YOUR TUM'S FLAT AND YOUR ARMS ARE NOT BURLY I WOULD SMOKE THAT FUNKY ASS FROM A BONG YEAH, SO WHAT? I'M NOT SO GOOD AT RHYMING THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER TO YOU, MY BITCH? I'D DO YOU HARD TO HEAR THE BELLS CHIMING WEDDING BELLS, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE WE ARE SO RICH BECAUSE WEDDINGS REQUIRE SOME MONEY AND I'M GOING TO MARRY YOU. GET IT? I'D EAT MY FINGERNAILS TO BE YOUR HONEY I'D PISS ON YOUR FACE AND EAT MY OWN SHIT BUT ONLY, MY DEAR, IF YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF NOT, FOREVER ALONE I WILL BE
Bethany nominated me for a thing. It's the Versatile Blogger award, and while I'm far from being a versatile blogger, I might as well do it. The rules are as follows:
1: Winners grab this image and put it in their blog. 2: Link back to the person who gave it to you. That's Bethany. 3: Tell 10 things about yourself. 4: Award 15 recently discovered bloggers. I don't have any. 5: Tell those nonexistent winners that they've won.
Sooo, 10 things about myself.
1: I know no discretion. To prove it, I'll tell you that I've been having foamy diarrhea ever since my family started eating healthier. 2: I dream of impossible romances and am currently ruining my own relationship because it doesn't meet my impossible standards. 3: I desperately want to hold a baby right now. A soft, blue-eyed, ruddy-cheeked baby boy. I wanna kiss his forehead. I think my maternal desires are coming a little too early. 4: I'm suffering from severe depression because I'm about to lose absolutely everything. When I go to college, my only two friends will be too far away to see me, and I'll be even farther from Evan than I am now. It's hard enough only seeing him on weekends, but it'll be even harder to see him only on SOME weekends. I'll lose familiar Fairfield, I'll lose my family, my cats, my cozy bed, and my nights of solitude. I'll lose the ability to fuck around and not give a fuck about my grades. I'm going to lose everything and gain nothing in return. 5: I still miss Stanley, the Venus Fly Trap that gave this blog his name. I would like a replacement. 6: I hope to get by in life without doing a damn thing. 7: I don't expect to live much longer, and because of this, I want to accomplish everything that I can as quickly as I can. Marriage, a house, a baby - all this as soon as possible. Not necessarily with Evan, since he does not have my "life is short" attitude, but with somebody. Hopefully someone who loves me exactly how I need to be loved. 8: I have two thongs with sushi print on them. 9: I'VE GOT DADDY ISSUES. 10: I've regressed back into childhood and spend several hours a day playing Neopets.
I did this mostly for my own sake and Bethany's, and since I don't know any other bloggers and they don't know me, I'm gonna stop it now. Maybe I'll blog more often this summer. Probably not.
