If Only I Had a Closet Full of Lingerie...

sigh. alright. tomorrow is the trick-or-treat night, which doesn't really concern me, but on friday, i've a party to go to, and i can't go if i don't have a costume. i want something sexy. i want something original. unfortunately, i can't be sexy because i lack the sexy clothes. i don't have corsets with cords tying 'em up in the front - one little tug, and the whole thing comes undone - so how am i supposed to be sexy? and i don't have much of anything to choose from. yes, my mom has boxes of halloween junk in the attic, but in all honesty, when you put the articles of clothing together, you don't get much of anything. and i've already used plenty of her stuff for halloween, and i don't want any repeats.
oh, well. i've plenty more halloweens in my lifetime.
college is going to be a blast.

what else is up with me?
hmmm...
i'm going to have to say... absolutely nothing. i'm bored. i've gone back to reading, and by that i mean that i dig in the school library (or rather, i ask friends for recommendations) for good books, and then i sit down and read them in one day. but if a book doesn't suit my fancy, i take ages to read it, refusing to return it without reading the whole thing first, though i really don't care how the story ends. it's something to do. or... not... do.

... i'm feeling rather blank at this precise moment. i'm not happy, nor unhappy. i'm just sitting here, occupying my time on awful websites that i haven't been on in months, maybe even years. it's boring. i'm bored.
i am dissatisfied with my life.
what's missing now?
jeebus.
hmm... maybe i've begun to see the world in a boring way. perhaps i have been placing everything into simple categories: romance, friendship, family, happy, sad. something like that. but there's so much more, i know there is. i'm probably just being silly.

i'm loving this weather. the air is brisk and cold. it's delicious. bethany and i were playing in the leaves the other day. i've got a lot of hair, and she doesn't, so i had leaves stuck all over my head, and she just had a hood full of them. the wind slammed open my door several times today. it's exciting. being outside can be great... but it's much harder to walk to school in the mornings, what with all the rain and fog and freezing weather. dad said it was snowing just a bit ago, and i missed it. that makes me sad. here's hoping that it'll snow again this week.

i've been sick lately. i'm uber runny-nosed and congested; i carried an entire box of tissues around in school and didn't have any left over the next day. worst of all, i've been getting nosebleeds. the worst i've had was three in a row, and i don't mean one per day. i mean three strong, blood-all-over nosebleeds, all within a matter of hours. and on another day, i had a huge one just before i left to walk, so i had to call the bus, climb on with a handful of tissues pressed to my nose, and avoid meeting eye contact with the staring bus-riders. at school, i learned that nosebleeds aren't so common (since when?), and soon enough everyone knew that dani had had a nice, forty-five minute nosebleed. well. yeah. you could even say it lasted the whole day, if you wanted to. every time i touched a tissue to my nose, it came away bloody. for the whole day. pretty grody.
in biology class, i found out that i have a cough. we were watching some nearly-silent documentary, and i allowed just one cough, not realizing how badly i needed to cough until i had already coughed, which i guess pulled some trigger in my body and soon enough i was damn near coughing up blood, so i sat, trembling and convulsing at my desk, trying to stay silent. it was so incredibly hard to do that i started wheezing and tears started streaming down my face. i don't think i have to tell you that when the bell rang, i rushed out of the classroom and coughed up a lung or two.

oh my god.
i'm not sure, but i don't think i cursed more than once in this post.
oh my god. someone tell me it's not true. oh! not true. i said "damn." but i didn't say my mouth's favorite word! that word that always slips out, even when i don't want it to.

(i'm so proud.)

I Am Not Leaving This House Until I Get My Coffee!

mommm! where ARE you? what happened to wednesday morning coffee trips? moooommmmmmmmmmmmmm! it's 9:15. school starts at 10. i was ready to go forty-five minutes ago. if i wasn't waiting for my mother, i would have LEFT forty-five minutes ago.
what the FUCK, mother?
what happened to the ONE bonding day, hmm? HMMM?
besiiiiiiides. i want my coffee.
it's part of my weekly ritual! i can't go without it! c'mooonnnnnnnnnnn, moooommmmmmmmmmmmmm.
ohp. nose is bleeding. gotta go.

I AM NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE ON FOOT.
I WILL WAIT FOR THAT DAMNABLE RED SUBURBAN, NO MATTER THE COST.