right. so. i'm not unhappy, i'm just... confused. or... having fun by screwing with my own emotions. it's actually quite entertaining. you should try it some time!
here's how it goes. there's this guy who's had a thing for me since, ah, sixth grade. now, i can't stress this enough: i would not go out with him. ahem. anyway. well, recently i've been calling him every other night at 10:30. yeah. we're buds. we didn't use to be, of course. i used to hate him. he terrified me (still does). sooooo, naturally, we got pretty close and he was all lovey-dovey (hate that), so i was seriously turned off. some of the shameless flirting was funny, but you know, it just wasn't... desired. i like to deserve the praise that i'm given. i don't take compliments well, and he always complimented me. sick. blech. gross.
but now that he's got a different love interest, it's like...
hmm...
i want it.
now, "it" isn't really anything at all. i still wouldn't date the guy. he's still lovey-dovey touchy-feely. it's still repulsive. but for some reason, i just really want to steal him from her, even though i've never said a word to the girl and i've got no logical reason for hating her.
(it's just her narsty-arse teeth.)
it's just, like... hrmf. i don't really know what it's like. i suppose i want some chaos. i want to create, and what better to create than other people's misery? yesss. especially when i get to use seduction. seducing people is very, very fun. especially when you aren't actually willing to do anything with anyone. i'm a terrible person, i know, but i like having power over that guy. and even if i can't win him back, i want to rub it in his face that i was right all along and that he never "loved" me like he said. i was right all along: it was just infatuation.
"and you think you know everything," i would say.
think what you will about my cruel intentions. i'm still thinking this all over. it would be lovely to come up with a plan.
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