My Doomed Friend: Lieutenant Prurient

because i went to a faraway city with bethany and ashley today, i brought home a new friend. he is a crowntail betta fish, and his name is lieutenant prurient. like my super-old fishy friend, general libido, the lieutenant has a name dealing with lust. it's fun to use words that my parents don't know, because they're too proud to go, "what the hell do prurient and libido mean?" so i get to go on naming my fishies sexy words.

sadly, lieutenant prurient requires a certain temperature that i cannot provide him with. my bedroom is usually in the fifty- or forty-somethings temperature-wise, so he can't stay down there. my other fishy friends, general libido, dictator cadaverous, and sergeant pepper, are all little goldfish that i have saved from being fed to pet sharks, so they can live in pretty much any temperature. they're not finicky. actually, i think that the dictator, general, and i are nearing our one year anniversary. i think i fell in love with the lil' buggers on the last day of january. they've lived forever. i can only hope that they'll endure the cold of my bedroom and last long enough for us to have fun with an anniversary party. i'll probably just lug the tank over to ashley's, where the dictator and general will be reunited with gary and cristoff, who are ashley's original fish from january. bethany's first fish died almost immediately. it's quite sad.

i really do love fish. they're beautiful, and it's so interesting to think about how their little fishy bodies work. besides, they're dumb as fuck and you get to invent personalities for them! also, they will NEVER RUN AWAY. they're very easy to take care of (depending on the fish you buy), and they're super fun to talk to because they look like they're paying attention if they're hungry. sergeant pepper is especially attentive. he's always hungry, so he's always staring at me. the general and dictator weren't always like that, but the sergeant has helped them to develop a new habit. so now i constantly have three goldfish staring at me. it makes me happy. i know they're fish and they're probably terrified of me, but i like to pretend that they respect me and rely on me because i feed them.

ooh, i almost forgot to tell you why i picked the lieutenant. i wasn't going to at first. he's a different kind of betta, which sucks because he needs different water temperatures (i didn't know!), but he's very cool-looking. his fins fan out in a way slightly different than regular betta fish, and he was showing off at wal-mart, where i bought him. out of all the fish, he was the only one that was absolutely freaking out and puffing up all over the place. i've never really seen a betta get pissed off like that, so i decided that i really liked his attitude and that i needed to have him. of course, bethany and ashley helped me make the final decision after around five minutes of picking up and staring at all of the other options.

i feel good for getting him out of that itty-bitty bowl that places like to keep betta, but i feel bad for freezing him. i hope that he acclimates quite miraculously and lives for a very long time. or maybe the internet lied to me and he's just like normal betta and can live in my house without a problem. that would be very nice.

i bet you're wondering how i successfully created such a prodigious post about fish. i'm kind of wondering the same thing. i guess i really like fish. how do you feel about fish? THAT'S GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU LIKE FISH. I'M GLAD WE'VE EXCHANGED OUR OPINIONS ABOUT FISH.

also, does anyone other than bethany read my blog? please, make your presence known to me! reveal yourself! let me know that you read my rants about fish with badass names.