oh, how i love my silly adolescent body and mind. everything's so critical and explosive. oh, no! my friend got mad at me. it's the end of the world! but everything works out just fine. it always does. friends don't stay mad because they're friends, and they're not there to be angry with you. they're there to love you, and that's just what they'll do. and i love them, and i don't mean to make them angry, but it happens. i'm sorry that i upset you at times, friends. you upset me sometimes, too. mostly you just make me sad on occasion, but i don't mind. that's just how i know that i love you: even if you punched me in the face, i would still go back to you afterward.
there's something about spring that just makes me want to do everything. i want to go have that midnight picnic with bethany and ashley, i want to buy streamers with those two and whoever else and run around town with the streamers flying behind us, i want to have rubber ducky races, i want to go fishing, i want to enjoy myself!
i was grounded for a while because i was failing weight training, but now i'm not! unfortunately, i broke the rules the day before i was ungrounded. if i could have waited just one more day before deciding to have evan over, i would be free to go to the art walk tomorrow night with bethany, ashley, and (SECRET FRIEND), who is usually working during art walks. and my grandpa's band, Van and The Movers, is playing on the gazebo in the square! i've waited an eternity for him to play again, and now i'm going to miss it? i suppose there is the slightest chance that my parents will let me go, but i'm thinking that i'll have to agree to do a shit ton of chores before they even consider it.
school and i are fighting currently. he (school is a he because it is an asshole) decided to slam a bunch of projects on me at one time - history, biology, and spanish - and i just won't have it. he can kiss my ass. oh, well. it's not like i'm the only person doing projects. and i wasn't the only person who ran the mile, either, and i even wasn't the only person who ran it in a terrible time. i wasn't the only person to finish last in their class. granted, i was the only person to finish last in my class, but that's a given. i don't care about weight training in the least. the mile left me kind of comfortably in pain, and i even felt like i got to do it again after school, when i had to get to the radio station as quickly as possible to galen and evan's show (Midweek Songstreak - wednesdays at 4-5 on 100.1 KRUULP, Fairfield, IA) after i found out that i was ungrounded. everything's awesome.
everything is so awesomely awesome.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
You Want A Blog Post? I'll Give You A Blog Post.
bethany told me that i don't blog enough anymore. well, fine! i'll take time away from my obviously busy schedule to type up another halfhearted blog post. here goes it.
i've started driver's ed. today was my first day to actually drive for the class, and since i've only driven three times before, the class was nerve-wracking. ashley was my driving buddy, and she went first. her only mistakes: the instructor told her to take a left and she took a right, and she wasn't the greatest at parking. i wasn't confident about my turn at all, so for the first twenty minutes i only had to do figure 8's in the high school parking lot. ashley said she had never felt like she was going to die in a parking lot before today. yeah, i'm that bad. after doing backwards figure 8's (that would be pretty cool if someone who could actually drive did it), the instructor directed me onto the road. my turns are too sharp, i don't slow down enough before stopping at stop signs, i'm not confident, i don't use the hand-over-hand thing that i should, i don't give parked cars enough room (the instructor cursed at me!), and according to ashley, i mumble to myself at all times. for my last turn, i started losing focus and ended up taking a right turn onto the highway when i was supposed to go straight, so all of our hearts were fluttering and the instructor was angry. ashley's second turn had been perfectly fine, of course. they went on the interstate and she listened to him and paid attention to everything and was fine with going sixty-five miles per hour and you suck, ashley. but it's not all bad! i am very happy that i didn't kill anybody. my goal was to only kill one person, hopefully myself (i wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing someone else).
hmm, what else? oh, i'm grounded. i didn't to a paper in weight training, so i'm failing the class. first off: who does papers for weight training? secondly: who cares what my grade is? it's weight training. thirdly: the paper isn't worth anything anymore; how am i supposed to raise the grade? hmm, i guess maybe i could get half credit at the most if i begged, but that's still an 'F' on the paper. of course i've tried to convince my mother to not ground me... i tried the obvious "weight training doesn't affect my GPA," but she doesn't care. weight training matters, apparently. so i tried "even if i do the assignment, i'll still be failing. will you unground me anyway?" of course not. "i won't start screaming, 'i love him, i love him!' at you, but i do enjoy hanging out with evan and i will be sad if you ground me from him." nothing. mom's more stubborn than i am, and that takes a lot. but the fact that we're both stubborn as hell doesn't make this easy on either of us. i've got a more easy-going way of confronting her, with chuckles and smiles and heaps of my sense of humor, but she doesn't understand that kind of humor and thinks that i am going out of my way to make her angry (who even does that?). she, on the other hand, just gets pissed off. there are no chuckles or smiles, and there's only humor if she's laughing at my misfortune. she said something along the lines of, "danielle, if you steal from a gas station, you go to jail. you knew the rules, you broke them. this is jail. there are consequences." oh, isn't she clever. so of course i told her, "yes, mother, if you steal from a gas station, you go to jail. but you only stay for a fair amount of time and are released accordingly." but she thinks this is fair. you want to know what i'm grounded from? i'll tell you. the computer, the phone, my friends, walks, favorite snacks. mom says that i'm grounded from "whatever makes you happy." nice, right?
basically, all i've got left is television. i hate television, and she knows it! goddamn her! see, it's just her that is the problem. dad doesn't really care. he was the first to tell me that i was grounded, but he went, "you're failing weight training, so you're grounded, starting next week." when mom found out, it changed. "what? she's not grounded next week, she's grounded now. evan shouldn't even be here." so evan sat in the other room while mom and i went at it. i know i've done wrong, i do, and i understand that there are consequences. but being grounded for the rest of the school year, because of weight training? it's WEIGHT TRAINING! and i told mom, "do you know what they do to you when you fail weight training? they put you in the class every day the next semester. isn't that punishment enough?" but she ignored me completely. no acknowledgment. i just love it when she does that, and she does it often. she told me once that my opinion doesn't matter because i'm a teenager. because teenagers are just so much different from everyone else, you know.
yes, i'm aware that i'm sounding quite melodramatic, but keep in mind that i have been just about the happiest person alive recently and most of what i say is laced with sarcasm. i am still quite euphoric, and i intend to have a plan at some point. i can still have fun, regardless of what my mother wants. maybe i'll convince her somehow. maybe i'll turn in the paper and then clean the whole house, and she'll let me be ungrounded for a weekend or something. maybe i'll bribe her. i've thought about pointing a gun at my own head, but i don't think that's very convincing, so i've thought about pointing one at her head, but i haven't got the nerve and she would send me away (because she just doesn't get my sense of humor, ha-ha. that means i'm kidding, people). i'm sure everything will work out just fine. i have a good feeling about this. i'll do what i can (and some of what i can't) to enjoy myself. i guess i'll be playing a lot of super smash brothers until i'm grounded from that, and then i'll... i'll... I WILL NEVER COMMIT TO WATCHING TELEVISION, GODDAMN IT! I ONLY WATCH IT WITH FRIENDS, AND I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT. I WILL NEVER USE IT FOR ENTERTAINMENT, AUUUGH! i'll read a book or something. :D
i've started driver's ed. today was my first day to actually drive for the class, and since i've only driven three times before, the class was nerve-wracking. ashley was my driving buddy, and she went first. her only mistakes: the instructor told her to take a left and she took a right, and she wasn't the greatest at parking. i wasn't confident about my turn at all, so for the first twenty minutes i only had to do figure 8's in the high school parking lot. ashley said she had never felt like she was going to die in a parking lot before today. yeah, i'm that bad. after doing backwards figure 8's (that would be pretty cool if someone who could actually drive did it), the instructor directed me onto the road. my turns are too sharp, i don't slow down enough before stopping at stop signs, i'm not confident, i don't use the hand-over-hand thing that i should, i don't give parked cars enough room (the instructor cursed at me!), and according to ashley, i mumble to myself at all times. for my last turn, i started losing focus and ended up taking a right turn onto the highway when i was supposed to go straight, so all of our hearts were fluttering and the instructor was angry. ashley's second turn had been perfectly fine, of course. they went on the interstate and she listened to him and paid attention to everything and was fine with going sixty-five miles per hour and you suck, ashley. but it's not all bad! i am very happy that i didn't kill anybody. my goal was to only kill one person, hopefully myself (i wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing someone else).
hmm, what else? oh, i'm grounded. i didn't to a paper in weight training, so i'm failing the class. first off: who does papers for weight training? secondly: who cares what my grade is? it's weight training. thirdly: the paper isn't worth anything anymore; how am i supposed to raise the grade? hmm, i guess maybe i could get half credit at the most if i begged, but that's still an 'F' on the paper. of course i've tried to convince my mother to not ground me... i tried the obvious "weight training doesn't affect my GPA," but she doesn't care. weight training matters, apparently. so i tried "even if i do the assignment, i'll still be failing. will you unground me anyway?" of course not. "i won't start screaming, 'i love him, i love him!' at you, but i do enjoy hanging out with evan and i will be sad if you ground me from him." nothing. mom's more stubborn than i am, and that takes a lot. but the fact that we're both stubborn as hell doesn't make this easy on either of us. i've got a more easy-going way of confronting her, with chuckles and smiles and heaps of my sense of humor, but she doesn't understand that kind of humor and thinks that i am going out of my way to make her angry (who even does that?). she, on the other hand, just gets pissed off. there are no chuckles or smiles, and there's only humor if she's laughing at my misfortune. she said something along the lines of, "danielle, if you steal from a gas station, you go to jail. you knew the rules, you broke them. this is jail. there are consequences." oh, isn't she clever. so of course i told her, "yes, mother, if you steal from a gas station, you go to jail. but you only stay for a fair amount of time and are released accordingly." but she thinks this is fair. you want to know what i'm grounded from? i'll tell you. the computer, the phone, my friends, walks, favorite snacks. mom says that i'm grounded from "whatever makes you happy." nice, right?
basically, all i've got left is television. i hate television, and she knows it! goddamn her! see, it's just her that is the problem. dad doesn't really care. he was the first to tell me that i was grounded, but he went, "you're failing weight training, so you're grounded, starting next week." when mom found out, it changed. "what? she's not grounded next week, she's grounded now. evan shouldn't even be here." so evan sat in the other room while mom and i went at it. i know i've done wrong, i do, and i understand that there are consequences. but being grounded for the rest of the school year, because of weight training? it's WEIGHT TRAINING! and i told mom, "do you know what they do to you when you fail weight training? they put you in the class every day the next semester. isn't that punishment enough?" but she ignored me completely. no acknowledgment. i just love it when she does that, and she does it often. she told me once that my opinion doesn't matter because i'm a teenager. because teenagers are just so much different from everyone else, you know.
yes, i'm aware that i'm sounding quite melodramatic, but keep in mind that i have been just about the happiest person alive recently and most of what i say is laced with sarcasm. i am still quite euphoric, and i intend to have a plan at some point. i can still have fun, regardless of what my mother wants. maybe i'll convince her somehow. maybe i'll turn in the paper and then clean the whole house, and she'll let me be ungrounded for a weekend or something. maybe i'll bribe her. i've thought about pointing a gun at my own head, but i don't think that's very convincing, so i've thought about pointing one at her head, but i haven't got the nerve and she would send me away (because she just doesn't get my sense of humor, ha-ha. that means i'm kidding, people). i'm sure everything will work out just fine. i have a good feeling about this. i'll do what i can (and some of what i can't) to enjoy myself. i guess i'll be playing a lot of super smash brothers until i'm grounded from that, and then i'll... i'll... I WILL NEVER COMMIT TO WATCHING TELEVISION, GODDAMN IT! I ONLY WATCH IT WITH FRIENDS, AND I DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO IT. I WILL NEVER USE IT FOR ENTERTAINMENT, AUUUGH! i'll read a book or something. :D
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Can't Wear Pants, Will Not Dance, Arcade Romance.
just a warning: this post may be boring and written with very little detail on account of i'm very tired and sickly.
good morning. i've been without sleep since 6:14 yesterday morning. it's 11:27 AM now, and i normally can't pull that sort of thing off. granted, i did have a nap or two, but they hardly helped anything. the reason why i eschewed sleep? it was PROM! that's right. dani actually got permission to stay the night with her prom group at her buddy duncan's house after prom, and she actually attempted to pull an all-nighter.
evan came and picked me up at one so that we could go to duncan's and get our pictures taken by a huge crowd of parents with cameras. our prom group stood awkwardly, plastering fake smiles to our faces, as the room filled with flashes and clicks and all matters of "oh, don't you look great!" evan himself had said, "wow," at me enough that i didn't need another compliment, and i had awkwardly muttered about how he looked pretty spiffy, too, so i hope he felt good about himself as well. we stood around for way too long as those relentless parents snapped photo after photo after goddamn photo, and then the parents began to slowly disperse (evan's mom hugged me!), and we were finally allowed to head off to the civic center to wait for our party bus.
the party bus wasn't at all what i was expecting. it was just a smelly, gutted-out school bus with sideways seats on one side, regular seats on the other, a space cleared out in the back for dancing, a nice lil' balcony outside of the back door, and another platform on the top of the bus. there were pictures of a line of people mooning the camera, which was weird but funny. i actually kind of liked the bus. the music playing was usually of no interest to evan or me; we're more into "indie" music, not the shit that plays on the radio all day. well, actually, he's into indie music, and i basically just listen to whatever he or galen throws my way. not always, of course; i'm a tad bit picky, and i'm devoted to the bands i already listen to. anyway, i grumbled at evan the whole time to Fun City, and played silly games with (SECRET FRIEND) after she caught me kissing evan.
when we got to Fun City, i put on my most ripped-up pair of green hi-tops and headed inside. evan and i got twenty bucks onto our fancy little card and immediately went to spend seven of that on bowling. i am really bad at bowling. i lost. but evan got second-to-last... he still kicked my ass. after bowling, we ordered our food at a restaurant inside of Fun City and ran off to spend more of our arcade monies while we waited for our food. i'm addicted to that game where the light goes around in a circle and you have to hit the button just as the light goes under some arch thingy, then you win the jackpot. i got a shit ton of tickets from that, but i didn't win the jackpot. i played ms. pacman (evan kept saying, "wow," at this; maybe the one thing i'm good at is playing video games?), and soon enough we had to head back to eat. the food was tasty, and someone had ordered a freakin' pizza that had a... 28? inch diameter. it was fucking crazy. i didn't eat any, but it looked delicious.
after we ate, there wasn't much time to spend the last of our arcade monies. i ran off to the gamblin' machine, as i call it, and evan tried some Deal or No Deal game. i probably won around 150 tickets. he won eleven (damn Deal or No Deal). we pooled our tickets together and came up with 313, but evan still had arcade monies left, so we went to the gamblin' machine again, and he spent the rest there. he got the jackpot once (victory kiss), but he and i both swear that we won several other times but the game is rigged. anyway, we ended up with around 550 tickets. we waited around for service, chose our prizes (two inflatable bats; why the hell not?), and ran outside to find that the party bus was waiting all the way across the parking lot. we ran, bats in hand, as the bus driver pretended to drive away from us. my shoe fell off (that's how beaten up they are). the ride home was fun. we played old classics like michael jackson, and i could actually sing along this time around.
riding in the parade on the back of that party bus was great, but prom in itself was really not that exciting. of course they played pop music that i didn't care to know, and i don't dance. i slow danced with evan a couple of times, but there were probably only two slow songs! i don't know, if you're going to be all fancy and gussied up, shouldn't you preserve your lovely appearance for as long as possible instead of jumping around, tangling your $50 hairdo and stinking up your $300 dress? i don't know, maybe i'm the only one who feels that way. evan and i decided to leave a little bit early and went to duncan's house, where our prom group would watch movies and play video games for most of the night. evan and i left at around three AM to go get some funky energy shot, which kicked in almost immediately and, for me, caused a crash just as quickly. evan was fine, but soon i was sleepily curled up on the couch with a sudden stuffy nose and burning sore throat. evan did everything in his power to try and make me feel better (who says chivalry is dead?), but my sudden sickness is still with me now. he cuddled with me, he asked around for medicine, he took me to find my own couch to lie on, etcetera, etcetera. he was just being a total sweetheart and i appreciate it to no end. it's only a cold, but he seemed genuinely concerned for me. i was feeling sickly, tired, and giddy, and eventually i just kind of went, "aww, fuck this. it's not doing me any good to sit around and dwell on how awful i feel. i'm going to go upstairs and i'm going to do the all-nighter i told evan we were going to do." so i went upstairs and watched Dogma, and evan and i tried in vain to fall asleep on the floor, since all the couches and chairs were taken up by other members of our prom group. there were a bunch of us, and the majority of us got the floor. it was itchy and so was the blanket that evan and i had snatched from the couch earlier, but evan was nice 'n comfy. i could hear duncan's parents making us breakfast at around five or six in the morning, and in a few hours we all pulled ourselves out of our restless slumber and chowed down. over all, prom day was really fun. i'm glad i agreed to go, since i was never planning on doing so.
i stayed responsible, like i said i would. no alcohol, no drugs, no sex. i'm a good kid. i told my parents i didn't do those things, and they believed me. they let me stay at duncan's and i'm grateful that they trusted me, even if i had to go into an in-depth discussion with my mom about how i couldn't be doing anything wrong during prom night before she finally gave in and agreed that there was no time for me to get away with anything (even though there was time, but i still didn't do anything that i shouldn't have. for the most part).
good morning. i've been without sleep since 6:14 yesterday morning. it's 11:27 AM now, and i normally can't pull that sort of thing off. granted, i did have a nap or two, but they hardly helped anything. the reason why i eschewed sleep? it was PROM! that's right. dani actually got permission to stay the night with her prom group at her buddy duncan's house after prom, and she actually attempted to pull an all-nighter.
evan came and picked me up at one so that we could go to duncan's and get our pictures taken by a huge crowd of parents with cameras. our prom group stood awkwardly, plastering fake smiles to our faces, as the room filled with flashes and clicks and all matters of "oh, don't you look great!" evan himself had said, "wow," at me enough that i didn't need another compliment, and i had awkwardly muttered about how he looked pretty spiffy, too, so i hope he felt good about himself as well. we stood around for way too long as those relentless parents snapped photo after photo after goddamn photo, and then the parents began to slowly disperse (evan's mom hugged me!), and we were finally allowed to head off to the civic center to wait for our party bus.
the party bus wasn't at all what i was expecting. it was just a smelly, gutted-out school bus with sideways seats on one side, regular seats on the other, a space cleared out in the back for dancing, a nice lil' balcony outside of the back door, and another platform on the top of the bus. there were pictures of a line of people mooning the camera, which was weird but funny. i actually kind of liked the bus. the music playing was usually of no interest to evan or me; we're more into "indie" music, not the shit that plays on the radio all day. well, actually, he's into indie music, and i basically just listen to whatever he or galen throws my way. not always, of course; i'm a tad bit picky, and i'm devoted to the bands i already listen to. anyway, i grumbled at evan the whole time to Fun City, and played silly games with (SECRET FRIEND) after she caught me kissing evan.
when we got to Fun City, i put on my most ripped-up pair of green hi-tops and headed inside. evan and i got twenty bucks onto our fancy little card and immediately went to spend seven of that on bowling. i am really bad at bowling. i lost. but evan got second-to-last... he still kicked my ass. after bowling, we ordered our food at a restaurant inside of Fun City and ran off to spend more of our arcade monies while we waited for our food. i'm addicted to that game where the light goes around in a circle and you have to hit the button just as the light goes under some arch thingy, then you win the jackpot. i got a shit ton of tickets from that, but i didn't win the jackpot. i played ms. pacman (evan kept saying, "wow," at this; maybe the one thing i'm good at is playing video games?), and soon enough we had to head back to eat. the food was tasty, and someone had ordered a freakin' pizza that had a... 28? inch diameter. it was fucking crazy. i didn't eat any, but it looked delicious.
after we ate, there wasn't much time to spend the last of our arcade monies. i ran off to the gamblin' machine, as i call it, and evan tried some Deal or No Deal game. i probably won around 150 tickets. he won eleven (damn Deal or No Deal). we pooled our tickets together and came up with 313, but evan still had arcade monies left, so we went to the gamblin' machine again, and he spent the rest there. he got the jackpot once (victory kiss), but he and i both swear that we won several other times but the game is rigged. anyway, we ended up with around 550 tickets. we waited around for service, chose our prizes (two inflatable bats; why the hell not?), and ran outside to find that the party bus was waiting all the way across the parking lot. we ran, bats in hand, as the bus driver pretended to drive away from us. my shoe fell off (that's how beaten up they are). the ride home was fun. we played old classics like michael jackson, and i could actually sing along this time around.
riding in the parade on the back of that party bus was great, but prom in itself was really not that exciting. of course they played pop music that i didn't care to know, and i don't dance. i slow danced with evan a couple of times, but there were probably only two slow songs! i don't know, if you're going to be all fancy and gussied up, shouldn't you preserve your lovely appearance for as long as possible instead of jumping around, tangling your $50 hairdo and stinking up your $300 dress? i don't know, maybe i'm the only one who feels that way. evan and i decided to leave a little bit early and went to duncan's house, where our prom group would watch movies and play video games for most of the night. evan and i left at around three AM to go get some funky energy shot, which kicked in almost immediately and, for me, caused a crash just as quickly. evan was fine, but soon i was sleepily curled up on the couch with a sudden stuffy nose and burning sore throat. evan did everything in his power to try and make me feel better (who says chivalry is dead?), but my sudden sickness is still with me now. he cuddled with me, he asked around for medicine, he took me to find my own couch to lie on, etcetera, etcetera. he was just being a total sweetheart and i appreciate it to no end. it's only a cold, but he seemed genuinely concerned for me. i was feeling sickly, tired, and giddy, and eventually i just kind of went, "aww, fuck this. it's not doing me any good to sit around and dwell on how awful i feel. i'm going to go upstairs and i'm going to do the all-nighter i told evan we were going to do." so i went upstairs and watched Dogma, and evan and i tried in vain to fall asleep on the floor, since all the couches and chairs were taken up by other members of our prom group. there were a bunch of us, and the majority of us got the floor. it was itchy and so was the blanket that evan and i had snatched from the couch earlier, but evan was nice 'n comfy. i could hear duncan's parents making us breakfast at around five or six in the morning, and in a few hours we all pulled ourselves out of our restless slumber and chowed down. over all, prom day was really fun. i'm glad i agreed to go, since i was never planning on doing so.
i stayed responsible, like i said i would. no alcohol, no drugs, no sex. i'm a good kid. i told my parents i didn't do those things, and they believed me. they let me stay at duncan's and i'm grateful that they trusted me, even if i had to go into an in-depth discussion with my mom about how i couldn't be doing anything wrong during prom night before she finally gave in and agreed that there was no time for me to get away with anything (even though there was time, but i still didn't do anything that i shouldn't have. for the most part).
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Excessive Worrying: Prom.
hah. hahaha. of course dani would worry about prom, of course! she wasn't going to go to prom; she had made plans to play all of her favorite songs and dance wildly around her bedroom with her pink-haired plastic troll boyfriend. but then dani got an actual boyfriend, and plans changed. dani's going to prom now! she even has a dress! it's a lovely dress, with all the cliches (BLOGGER, LET DANI USE ACCENT MARKS) that prom dresses have: frillies, sparklies, pretties. it's a good dress, though, and dani loves it a great deal... though it may be just ONE size too small. FUCK MY WEIGHT. I AM GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY WEIGHT, YOU'LL SEE. [maybe] I'LL MEAN IT THIS TIME. THIS IS WAR.
unfortunately, there is no way that i can lose any weight at all before prom, which is on saturday, i think. evan and i got asked to go with this big group of people on a party bus that is going to FunCity. so i guess we're running around and maybe playing laser tag and going on go-carts (or whatever they are) in our dresses and tuxes, which sounds pretty fun, but i'll get all paranoid and self-conscious and i'll be tugging on my big ole' ringlets and i'll make them fall out and i'll be rubbing my eyes and my makeup will smudge and i'll fuck up like that. what if i do? and i can't dance! i can't daaaance! the other day, darling evan responded to this statement by pulling me into a random slow dance in my kitchen/dining room/computer room, but slow dances are nothing. i'm not worried about that, i'm worried about regular-type dancing. i don't "got" rhythm. also, i'm a spaz. i danced two years ago at homecoming and had a great time, but i didn't dance at homecoming this year. i was being watched, so i just stood there and fidgeted in the middle of the dance floor. i don't plan on going back to homecoming, if i can help it. i hope i don't come to the same conclusion about prom.
i really dig evan, so i'm sure he'll use that to his advantage and force me to have fun. he'll persuade me somehow. augh, why do i even worry? who is going to care whether i can dance or not? when girls are bumping and grinding into each other, you can hardly call it dancing. even i could do that, but i'm not going to. that's gross. i am not a slut, nor am i a lesbian. i suppose i'm not comfortable dancing because i'm afraid of embarrassing myself in front of evan. if only bethany and ashley were going to prom! i neeeeeeeed them. i mean, i don't dance in front of them, either... they put on music and dance around wildly at random intervals, but i never join them. they can scream at me all they like, but i refuse to make a fool of myself. so i guess it's not just evan i'm worried about embarrassing myself in front of, it's everyone. it's myself! i won't even dance alone in my bedroom because whenever i do, i get laughed at. by me. mostly i just dance around to Chopin and Beethoven, and then i do something like throwing myself on my bed and laughing hysterically. also, i make stupid faces when i dance. well, i always make stupid faces, but these are even worse.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
there is no solution to this one. SHUT UP, READERS, YOU'RE WRONG. i will try my hardest to have fun at prom, because i dig my hair and my dress and my date, but i just worry that it won't be as easy to have fun as i hope.
maybe i'm just having a nervous day because i had a dream that evan cheated on me because i don't call him. i made sure to call him today, though i basically just rambled on and didn't let him speak at all (sorry, hun). i only talked at him for a few minutes, then i was done and hoped that one call would suffice for the duration of our relationship. i don't like phone calls because everyone sounds different on the phone and i just can't understand them. well, regardless of the fact that i don't call him, evan wouldn't cheat on me. he's too much of a sweetheart to do something like that. i mean, you have to be really heartless to cheat, or you have to really hate who you're with. look at me! i'm an ass, but i still wouldn't cheat. ... i don't think i'm that much of an ass, anyway. i just worry that everyone thinks i'm an ass, so if i tell them right away that i know i'm an ass, they won't be as upset when i behave badly. that's a secret, right there. i just told you all a secret. now i have no secrets.
on a happier note: i cleaned my room for several hours today. i realized that my room has the potential to be really freaking cool, and since everyone follows me down here regardless of what i tell them to do, i might as well make the place easy on the eye. i folded and put away a crap ton of my clothes, and in the process i realized that i have three dressers. what's funny, though, is that my entire wardrobe fits into less than one drawer. mostly all of my drawers are full of old stories, band music, and scripts, picture books, sketchbooks, etcetera. there are also drawers full of clothes i never wear, but that's practically a given. i cleaned off the top of one of my dressers, but it looks uneven because my stereo is in the middle and a shit ton of bottles are on the left side, whereas there is practically nothing on the right side. i've decided i want to try and get a flower for every bottle in my collection. that'll be pretty. i shoved a few stuffed animals into my closet, washed a bunch of my pile o' clothes, and that's actually just about all i did today. i guess i was slacking just a bit, what with tweeting every five seconds and all. you know twitter, don't you? of course you do. it's becoming the new big thing.
i am currently sitting here in nothing but undies and a blanket, waiting impatiently for my laundry to get done so i can put some pajamas on, and then i'm going to bed. oh! happy zombie jesus day, everyone! i've been worrying a bit that maybe i'm becoming an asshole atheist, because i've been making a lot of cracks about God lately. but i respect christians, i really do. i think they've got the right idea, for the most part. i don't want to go into detail about why they're right or why they're wrong right here on my blog; i might offend someone. i mean, i definitely could go on a rant about it. i go to church, and when i'm there i think about it. i've come up with a bunch of conclusions, most of which i have probably forgotten already, and i'm pretty opinionated on the whole thing. i stay open-minded to religion, i think, but i can't just believe in something because i want to. i believe in the morals of christians, so i'm comfortable with them, but i can't believe in some giant guy in the sky. gah! i need to get off of blogger before i start rambling about this. i think my laundry is done, anyway. good night.
unfortunately, there is no way that i can lose any weight at all before prom, which is on saturday, i think. evan and i got asked to go with this big group of people on a party bus that is going to FunCity. so i guess we're running around and maybe playing laser tag and going on go-carts (or whatever they are) in our dresses and tuxes, which sounds pretty fun, but i'll get all paranoid and self-conscious and i'll be tugging on my big ole' ringlets and i'll make them fall out and i'll be rubbing my eyes and my makeup will smudge and i'll fuck up like that. what if i do? and i can't dance! i can't daaaance! the other day, darling evan responded to this statement by pulling me into a random slow dance in my kitchen/dining room/computer room, but slow dances are nothing. i'm not worried about that, i'm worried about regular-type dancing. i don't "got" rhythm. also, i'm a spaz. i danced two years ago at homecoming and had a great time, but i didn't dance at homecoming this year. i was being watched, so i just stood there and fidgeted in the middle of the dance floor. i don't plan on going back to homecoming, if i can help it. i hope i don't come to the same conclusion about prom.
i really dig evan, so i'm sure he'll use that to his advantage and force me to have fun. he'll persuade me somehow. augh, why do i even worry? who is going to care whether i can dance or not? when girls are bumping and grinding into each other, you can hardly call it dancing. even i could do that, but i'm not going to. that's gross. i am not a slut, nor am i a lesbian. i suppose i'm not comfortable dancing because i'm afraid of embarrassing myself in front of evan. if only bethany and ashley were going to prom! i neeeeeeeed them. i mean, i don't dance in front of them, either... they put on music and dance around wildly at random intervals, but i never join them. they can scream at me all they like, but i refuse to make a fool of myself. so i guess it's not just evan i'm worried about embarrassing myself in front of, it's everyone. it's myself! i won't even dance alone in my bedroom because whenever i do, i get laughed at. by me. mostly i just dance around to Chopin and Beethoven, and then i do something like throwing myself on my bed and laughing hysterically. also, i make stupid faces when i dance. well, i always make stupid faces, but these are even worse.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
there is no solution to this one. SHUT UP, READERS, YOU'RE WRONG. i will try my hardest to have fun at prom, because i dig my hair and my dress and my date, but i just worry that it won't be as easy to have fun as i hope.
maybe i'm just having a nervous day because i had a dream that evan cheated on me because i don't call him. i made sure to call him today, though i basically just rambled on and didn't let him speak at all (sorry, hun). i only talked at him for a few minutes, then i was done and hoped that one call would suffice for the duration of our relationship. i don't like phone calls because everyone sounds different on the phone and i just can't understand them. well, regardless of the fact that i don't call him, evan wouldn't cheat on me. he's too much of a sweetheart to do something like that. i mean, you have to be really heartless to cheat, or you have to really hate who you're with. look at me! i'm an ass, but i still wouldn't cheat. ... i don't think i'm that much of an ass, anyway. i just worry that everyone thinks i'm an ass, so if i tell them right away that i know i'm an ass, they won't be as upset when i behave badly. that's a secret, right there. i just told you all a secret. now i have no secrets.
on a happier note: i cleaned my room for several hours today. i realized that my room has the potential to be really freaking cool, and since everyone follows me down here regardless of what i tell them to do, i might as well make the place easy on the eye. i folded and put away a crap ton of my clothes, and in the process i realized that i have three dressers. what's funny, though, is that my entire wardrobe fits into less than one drawer. mostly all of my drawers are full of old stories, band music, and scripts, picture books, sketchbooks, etcetera. there are also drawers full of clothes i never wear, but that's practically a given. i cleaned off the top of one of my dressers, but it looks uneven because my stereo is in the middle and a shit ton of bottles are on the left side, whereas there is practically nothing on the right side. i've decided i want to try and get a flower for every bottle in my collection. that'll be pretty. i shoved a few stuffed animals into my closet, washed a bunch of my pile o' clothes, and that's actually just about all i did today. i guess i was slacking just a bit, what with tweeting every five seconds and all. you know twitter, don't you? of course you do. it's becoming the new big thing.
i am currently sitting here in nothing but undies and a blanket, waiting impatiently for my laundry to get done so i can put some pajamas on, and then i'm going to bed. oh! happy zombie jesus day, everyone! i've been worrying a bit that maybe i'm becoming an asshole atheist, because i've been making a lot of cracks about God lately. but i respect christians, i really do. i think they've got the right idea, for the most part. i don't want to go into detail about why they're right or why they're wrong right here on my blog; i might offend someone. i mean, i definitely could go on a rant about it. i go to church, and when i'm there i think about it. i've come up with a bunch of conclusions, most of which i have probably forgotten already, and i'm pretty opinionated on the whole thing. i stay open-minded to religion, i think, but i can't just believe in something because i want to. i believe in the morals of christians, so i'm comfortable with them, but i can't believe in some giant guy in the sky. gah! i need to get off of blogger before i start rambling about this. i think my laundry is done, anyway. good night.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Understanding Adolescent Idiocy.
'lo, all. sorry i haven't been posting too much, though i'm sure you don't mind. i've just been kind of preoccupied with evan and i haven't been going on too many expeditions with bethany and ashley because spring hasn't quite decided on being warm yet. the three of us did hang out last weekend: we ran around in places that were probably quite illegal to be running around in, we sang creepily in a very echo-y tunnel that led us under the new bypass, we made plans to go back to these places in the summer, when it's warm. we've decided to have rubber duck races in this creek next to some sort of bridge thing. we will hang out under that bridge often, i think, and we've decided that it may be quite fun to draw on the concrete walls. bethany, of course, is hesitant about vandalizing it to the extreme, but no one will ever be under there but us, guaranteed. it'll be fine, bethany!
now, i don't mean to beat the dead horse or whatever that expression is, but it seems that ashley and bethany are getting very fed up with adolescent behavior and i feel the need to put my opinion out there (again and again and again). they're sick of the drama, they are. thing is, guys, you're no better than the rest of us because you are teenagers, too. i'm not trying to say that in a cruel way, it's just the truth. maybe you don't get all worked up over some of the more popular things that teens get worked up about; i don't think i do that much, either. well, for the most part. we all know that i enjoy talking about boys just as much as "normal" girls, but other than that, i think i'm on just about the same level of teen drama as you. well... maybe not. i'm very melodramatic. but hush! i'm trying to explain, here! you guys get more upset than you need to sometimes, too. we all do! bethany, do you remember when a certain clarinet player said a certain something that irked you, and you grumbled about it for a whole week or two (sorry if i'm exaggerating)? and ashley, you and i both - actually, all three of us - have been way worked up over other friends' decisions and actions. i'm not trying to make you look bad, i promise, i'm just pointing out the fact that we all do it. we all do, regardless of our age. i mean, look at all of our parents. i usually have it pretty easy, i know, but when my mom disagrees with me, she really disagrees with me. i mean, i'm banned from FML because she wouldn't even look at the site to see what it was! so difficult, so dramatic. and your parents can be awful. i've heard the stories. and hey, they're not teenagers!
teenage drama in particular is kind of fun to me. i mean, think about it. we've nothing better to freak out about, so we ('we' as in teenagers, not 'we' as in you and me) blow up the teensiest things, just to give us something to do. i know i enjoy going on rampages about random crap; you know i do, too. sometimes it's just easier, focusing on the petty things like that so that we don't have to focus on anything real. i mean, look at me! i couldn't tell you a thing about politics, the war, israel, or anything important going on in the real world. i tried paying more attention to politics, but it just worried me too much. i would go outside after the presidential campaigns and just talk to myself about how everything was going to be so messed up after obama changed everything. i got concerned about political parties and which one i supported more: i really did not want to be a republican, but i didn't want to be a democrat, either. i will continue to call myself an independent, because that's easiest, and i'm not going to worry about things i cannot help. real problems just aren't fun! we're young, we're healthy; why ruin our fun with reality? lock up that Reality Monster, and keep him locked up 'til you can't hide him any longer! take comfort in the fact that we can dwell on petty things at this age, that the Reality Monster isn't chewing our ass off all day. sometimes he takes big chunks from our cheeks, but imagine the asses on adults! they've got everything to worry about: work, money, houses, cars, spouses, children, time... i say it's best to just enjoy life while we can.
i'm certainly not saying that the only way we can have fun during adolescence is to blow up over the little stuff, but i'm saying that if the petty things are pissing you off, just lay back and bask in the simplicity of it. i don't know, maybe i'm wrong. but it makes sense to me. also, i know i'm a hypocrite sometimes. i'm just trying to help, and to blog about something, anythiiiiing.
now, i don't mean to beat the dead horse or whatever that expression is, but it seems that ashley and bethany are getting very fed up with adolescent behavior and i feel the need to put my opinion out there (again and again and again). they're sick of the drama, they are. thing is, guys, you're no better than the rest of us because you are teenagers, too. i'm not trying to say that in a cruel way, it's just the truth. maybe you don't get all worked up over some of the more popular things that teens get worked up about; i don't think i do that much, either. well, for the most part. we all know that i enjoy talking about boys just as much as "normal" girls, but other than that, i think i'm on just about the same level of teen drama as you. well... maybe not. i'm very melodramatic. but hush! i'm trying to explain, here! you guys get more upset than you need to sometimes, too. we all do! bethany, do you remember when a certain clarinet player said a certain something that irked you, and you grumbled about it for a whole week or two (sorry if i'm exaggerating)? and ashley, you and i both - actually, all three of us - have been way worked up over other friends' decisions and actions. i'm not trying to make you look bad, i promise, i'm just pointing out the fact that we all do it. we all do, regardless of our age. i mean, look at all of our parents. i usually have it pretty easy, i know, but when my mom disagrees with me, she really disagrees with me. i mean, i'm banned from FML because she wouldn't even look at the site to see what it was! so difficult, so dramatic. and your parents can be awful. i've heard the stories. and hey, they're not teenagers!
teenage drama in particular is kind of fun to me. i mean, think about it. we've nothing better to freak out about, so we ('we' as in teenagers, not 'we' as in you and me) blow up the teensiest things, just to give us something to do. i know i enjoy going on rampages about random crap; you know i do, too. sometimes it's just easier, focusing on the petty things like that so that we don't have to focus on anything real. i mean, look at me! i couldn't tell you a thing about politics, the war, israel, or anything important going on in the real world. i tried paying more attention to politics, but it just worried me too much. i would go outside after the presidential campaigns and just talk to myself about how everything was going to be so messed up after obama changed everything. i got concerned about political parties and which one i supported more: i really did not want to be a republican, but i didn't want to be a democrat, either. i will continue to call myself an independent, because that's easiest, and i'm not going to worry about things i cannot help. real problems just aren't fun! we're young, we're healthy; why ruin our fun with reality? lock up that Reality Monster, and keep him locked up 'til you can't hide him any longer! take comfort in the fact that we can dwell on petty things at this age, that the Reality Monster isn't chewing our ass off all day. sometimes he takes big chunks from our cheeks, but imagine the asses on adults! they've got everything to worry about: work, money, houses, cars, spouses, children, time... i say it's best to just enjoy life while we can.
i'm certainly not saying that the only way we can have fun during adolescence is to blow up over the little stuff, but i'm saying that if the petty things are pissing you off, just lay back and bask in the simplicity of it. i don't know, maybe i'm wrong. but it makes sense to me. also, i know i'm a hypocrite sometimes. i'm just trying to help, and to blog about something, anythiiiiing.
Friday, April 3, 2009
BEDA: Immediate Failure.
well, gee, sorry! what did you expect? honestly! this is me we're talking about. i'm the most forgetful person i know. i did ONE DAY of BEDA. sorryyyy. now what? no more BEDA? well... okay! no problem.
dani's word of the day:
whelm.
dani's word of the day:
whelm.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
BEDA: Day 1
BEDA: Blog Every Day in April. don't know who came up with it or why, but hey!
hmm, what to do? oh, i know! i'll bring back "dani's word of the day" for all of april! this will be grand.
dani's word of the day:
licentious.
hmm, what to do? oh, i know! i'll bring back "dani's word of the day" for all of april! this will be grand.
dani's word of the day:
licentious.
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