Mister, Are You SURE You Wanna - ... Oh. If That's What You Want.

yesterday, i got rejected for the first time since... middle school, i think. it's a crazy thing! i generally only hang around the guys that are guaranteed to be horribly desperate, which probably isn't exactly the best thing for me, because i don't like to do the rejecting, and it probably gives me a bit of an ego every now and again. but, you know. my ego's been brought down quite a bit by this rejection.
maybe i should start with the fact that this was (SECRET FRIEND)'s ex. uh... for... undisclosed reasons... she absolutely despises him and he's horribly depressed. i've been helping him. that i have. he said so himself. however, he came up with three or four excuses as to why he's not interested in me. but he does like me. PSSHHH. whatever. if you need to reject someone, tell them the whole truth! but it's okay. he was a very ... considerate ... rejector. yeah. um.
anyway, back to the point. (SECRET FRIEND) didn't want me dating her ex, so i threw a little tantrum and got her fake permission. and for what? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. whatever.
so i'm obviously kind of upset. i've been interested in a few guys since my last relationship, but i didn't want to date anyone until now. and of course i don't get my way. of course not. this is karma, you know, for being such a stupid tease. i say, "i don't feel the same way about you, but i want to stay friends," then i attach myself to that poor boy and never let go, so how's he supposed to stop having a thing for me? and now that he's finally ripped me off like a super-glued band-aid, the same thing that happened to him is happening to me. "i care about you, and you care about me. nothing will ever change that," he says. wants me to stick around, care for him some more. am i expected to get better that way? YES, GET BETTER. THIS IS A FUCKING DISEASE.
anyway. i'm trying to be optimistic. i'm certainly not one to cry over these petty things, so that's a plus, but i do get really pissy for long periods of time. crying would probably let everything out quicker, y'know? but i don't like to do it. i think i'm allergic to crying. my eyes swell up - yes, i know most people's do, but mine stay that way for a few days - and i get colds for weeks afterwards. so i'll try my hardest not to get too pissy. i could easily blame someone for all of this, but that's unfair. it's probably my fault. i don't know. but yes, this is one of my angsty teen blog posts. don't you just love me during school? :)